im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
