perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
