I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
