remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize