Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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