I heard we made out
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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