I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
