I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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