At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
you made out with another girl for some wings
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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