Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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