I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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