Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
