I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
