So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
