I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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