what day is it and did you see me today?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize