I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I will pee on everything he values.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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