if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
