I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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