Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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