well I can't set my house on fire every night
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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