I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
it's like iHOP with fire
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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