I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize