I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
