I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Found the puke drawer
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
