Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
