yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
