I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
