Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
