I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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