FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Randomize
