Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
