Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
