GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
