We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
