I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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