I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
