I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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