Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
