Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize