Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize