May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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