You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
