First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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