Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Randomize
