Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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