Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
