My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You need Xanax blowdarts
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
