Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
accomplished twins. life is a go
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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