Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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