At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
