I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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