honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
