I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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