if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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