none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
