Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
