I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
