She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
