Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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