Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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