You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
