she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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