Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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