Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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