this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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