shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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