It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
